Doubt

March 5, 2010

Hellooooo

Is anybody out there?

Serves me right. I start this blog and then run off and abandon it for—what? Two years now?  I don’t know when it really started. I started blogging as a way to demonstrate my understanding of scripture. I did this to advance my freelance writing career. I had applied for jobs with Christian publications. Yet, I lacked the published clips in my so-called niche market. But, I think there was more to it. As I told more than a couple of people, I think I started this as a way to answer my own questions, to challenge my own doubts.  But that’s easier said than done. Does God get angry at us for doubting? My former pastor said that it wasn’t doubt that God hated but fear. Doubt questions, seeking answers. Fear paralyzes. I remember from when I was a kid and my mom was a Sunday School teacher, she had this poster in her classroom in our little church. The poster was a photograph of a tombstone with the epitaph “Faith Without Works”. Faith requires action. Although Abraham was justified by faith, it wasn’t enough for him just to nod his head and say “Okay God I believe you” and then go on about his business. No, he had to act on his faith.

So, what does that have to do with me?  So, I start this blog for the aforementioned reasons. But, I have paying clients and I’m not really making any money from this blog. (I know quite a few people make a lot of money blogging) However, I put my attention with where I’m making money—writing for other people. In my writing business, I have a motto: I’m either making money or wasting time. If I’m not making money, then I’m wasting time. So, other things were more pressing.

Then, I faced some challenges. I know everybody does from time to time. Then I started to question whether God really existed. I started to look at science for answers. I challenged people I know to challenge me. I reached a point where I said I could see how the universe came into existence without God. But just because it’s plausible doesn’t mean its actually what happened. I know I’m doing a crappy job of writing an apologetics blog right now, but I also believe in this blog’s motto: 1 Peter 3:15 Be prepared to give an explanation as to the hope you have. That’s where I believe that a little doubt can help us. If I come out of this darkness still believing, then my faith will be stronger. If I go the other way, then I will still believe that I have sought the truth and that’s what God asks us to do anyway.

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